Maddy's Madnezz

Monday, August 29, 2016

Falling

Falling
By: Katy and Madelyn Kingan
I trip and fall
through the propeller that powers my life. It's blades chop me into pieces separating skin from bone, soul from spirit, eternity from reality.

I fall so quickly my being scatters around me while I try to hold the parts of me together I never thought would break.

Holding my breath
Holding my worth
Holding my hopes

The hopes of a little girl
The hopes of a new woman

Wanting to be loved and cherished and held together by more than glue and sticks and twine.

Hoping for all that is out there

falling and fighting and losing (x3)

The urge to scream overwhelms but the action doesn't bring relief.
The worry gnaws on what is left of me like so many rabid and hungry beast.

"How much will it hurt at the bottom of my pit?"
"How much will it break me?"
"Will the heart that I thought was my friend actually burst through my chest with vicious purpose to destroy me

or

will it stay locked in my bones beating like the drum that pounds before the execution of who I thought I was?"
Who I was?
Who I am?
Who am I?

I thought when you die your whole life was supposed to flash before your eyes?

This feels like dying
but nothing flashes

How deep is this pit?
Where is the bottom?
I've already sunk lower than I thought I could go.

They say in a bottomless pit you die of starvation but I am already starving

For purpose,
For reason,
For a me-shaped hole in the world.

That's something, right?
Is that a piece of hope I lost?

Maybe I'll fall in to the me-hole
And fit so perfectly it will feel like it is where I was always meant to be?

Falling so quickly through the air I have been broken and lost

But I am still here
And I have mass
and shape
and breath

(It's not how I thought I would look but I see a me –shaped hole far down below and it looks just as my new size)

Or (alternative ending)

It's not how I thought I would look but I see a familiar shape
A hole really
far down below
and it looks just my size

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

An Ode to Love

Love. What is it? Can one see it or sense it? Perhaps even smell it, were it such a thing to be smelled. Can one stroke it as tenderly as a new born babe or the petals of a flower? If so, then is love as breakable?

Does love wash upon the shore and as quickly leave again?

I am no expert on love but this I have learned.

When one loves, then that love protects. Do not deceive yourselves the giver may but bestow it on another. Let me make it clear to whom the protection is given. Not to the giver, but rather from them.

They in fact lose the protection they once had. For when one is alone they have no one to protect but themselves. When one loves they have the chance to lose it. Their protection precedes them. It is thinned out enough to be given shakily to both or all to one.

There is no such thing as protecting one’s heart. Perhaps you can guard your heart, metaphorically but that can only be had for so long.

Love it not getting spat on by some miscellaneous dewdrops. Love is jumping feet first into the ocean. Perhaps it is also getting into the pool water slowly, but at some point your head needs to go under.

Love might be like holding your breath long enough to see what is under the surface. After that the decision to stay in the water or leave it is up to you. Still there is no denying the dripping hair or the soaked clothes after getting out. The fact is the longer you’re in the water the longer it takes to heal.

Love is getting prune-y in the water.

Saturday, December 12, 2015

The Best Way to Look at Art

- Pretend you know what your talking about.

- Be Presumptuous

- Look at the same painting from 3-5 different angles.

- Imagine a phrase to describe the painting that wouldn't be appropriate.

- Make an obscure reference that only you understand.

- Do not make statements about your capability with the piece of art.

- Do not lick the floor.

- Do not bring pens.

- Carry around a note book

When Your Not Sure What To Do

When You're Not Sure What To Do

1) Look at people in the eye

2) People passing.... answer: stare

3) People your talking to... do not stare

4) Always accept food that has been offered.

- Don't want it? Answer: take a small piece declare yummy and that you're full

-Want it? Answer: Declare yummy but you'd feel bad taking their food.

- Indifferent? Answer: a) Don't comment b) play dead c) run away

- Either would be fine? Answer: Wait until the other person is already done before asking.

- Starving? Answer: Hit them over the head, run away and laugh while you eat.

- Your thirsty? Answer: Start making slurping noises while staring at their food.

Friday, December 11, 2015

50 Things I'm Grateful For

I challenge you all to find and write down your 50 things that you are grateful for. You'll find yourself smiling and wanting to call all of your friends and Family.

I'm grateful for:

1) My roommates for comforting me when I cry but not letting me have self pity on my self.

2) Jessie for being the brother I wish I had, even for a short time. For being redicilous and goofy and loving. I wish more people were like you.

3) My dad for teaching me to love the out doors. For always taking care of me even from a far. For paying for my life. For giving me vision and guidance. For giving me your humor.

4) My mom for helping me edit papers and applications. For letting me talk about boys with you... Sorta not really. For teaching me to love the arts and spuring on my passions. For helping get the help I needed in school. For always putting my art as your screen savor even if it's not good.

5) My sister. For letting me tell her that I'm not sure she loves me and not have her punch me. For giving me my love of all my favorite literature and fiction loves (books or other wise). For wrestling with me when I come home from college. For also helping me write my applications. For telling me that I'm the good one amongst the three kids when I'm filler with self doupt. For showing me how cool it is to be silly and childish. For being my rock star.

6) my field placment. For teaching me how to deal with my anxiety when a bunch of kids are screeming all around me. For getting me free tickets to a musical. For giving me some leftovers once in a while.

7) My teachers who taught me how to succeed and mostly never made me feel like a failure and dumb. For helping me succeed in their class. For giving me a grade that was also based on effort along with work.

8) My fish Felix who gives me a reason to come home. Who is super shy when meeting new people but often times comes to the for front when I get home. For giving me a conversation topic and a reason to bond with people.

9) For chocolate which is oh so yummy!

10) For art which both emits beauty and emotion.

11) for healthy food that actually tastes good.

12) For Netflix which distracts me from reality.

13) For music which calms me down or pumps me up.

14) for technology which allows me to learn more and see more.

15) For that friend who I can ask if there is something in my teeth.

16) for having the ability to make plans with people.

17) For a college education that teaches me how to argue with others better.

18) For those people on YouTube that make it ok to slap your friends just to try it.

19) For Uber which allows me not to have to talk on the train and leave my house later.

20) The ability to laugh which can be so hard and painful at times.

21) For families that take you in when you love so very far from your own family.

22) For ballroom dancing which allows me to touch others in a non creepy which fills up my love bank. Also I feel good when I dance. For allowing me to connected to others.

22) For almost graduation .

23) For having a place to feel safe. Ish.

24) Being able to create new best friends with people in still getting to know.

25) For tea being the most delusions yet healthy drink ever.

26) For being able to feel pain which helps me to understand joy in a much deeper way. It sucks but it helps me be a better artist.

27) For being told I have nice legs.

28) For being able to walk across the MIT bridge and watch the sunset and feel such awe.

29) For being able to hug people. Mainly people I feel some what attached to.

30) For Kristen M always being there for me. For being my go to choice of who I would want to have in a life crisis. For letting us read a book series together. For having many similar interest. For waking up at 4am one time when I had a nightmare and let me cry to her for the next couple hours until I mentally got together. For helping me move things in my apartment on multiple occasions. For giving the best hugs. For laughing so loudly that you can hear her from across the room.

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Tree paintings

http://www.book530.com/painting/4558/vine-painting-a-palette-knife-paintings.html

http://afremov.com/OAK-ALLEY-PALETTE-KNIFE-Oil-Painting-On-Canvas-By-Leonid-Afremov-Size-36-x24.html

http://www.tree-nation.com/forum/1934/highlight-a-fact-about-famous-paintings-of-trees

http://www.aliexpress.com/item-img/Abstract-modern-canvas-wall-art-handamde-famous-Acrylic-tree-oil-painting-on-canvas-for-living-room/1944017888.html?spm=2114.10010108.100005.13.t9drCT